Welcome to my life

I'm really tired. Lack of sleep I guess.
It's been a while since my last post.
I think I'm depressive. Whenever I stop working or don't have my mind focus on something, I can feel the weight of my life. And of solitude.
I want to the restaurent and then to see a movie with some friends yesterday. Still, I felt alone because I know they're not real. I'm not myself when I'm with them, and that's what makes it all fake. I keep on saying these fake words, laughing those fake laugh. And it's hard.

And my real friend? I don't see them anymore. Rem's far too busy these days, and even when we do talk, it's not like it use to be. Before we could stay up and write all night on msn. Now, the conversation stop at:Hi, how are you, and, tell your sisters I can't come tomorrow.
I SO wanted to strangle him on the spot. Anou is also busy. We try to keep in touch at least once a week. She's the only person I can relate to these days.

To stay away from my problem, I try to keep myself busy. I work 40 hour a week. When I'm off I work on the renovation at my mother's place. When it's over, I'll probably start working on my next term paper. ( Yeah, I know, three month before the start of the term but I really need to keep my mind of things)

Anyway, I have to go.

Quote:
"Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong and no one understand you...
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies while deep inside you're bleeding...
No you don't know what it's like,
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge on breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life."